What saved my marriage
My relationship with my husband has not always been the greatest. We were so young and new to each other’s cultures that our egos and beliefs got in the way of what was most important, our love. We have been married for about 5 years, and the first 4 years was us getting to know each other. We were young and did not know who we were at the time. So how can you get to know each other, if you do not know yourself? Omer and I were going from job to job and had different passions and ideas of what we wanted throughout the years. Nothing stuck. It is really funny to look back at the amount of jobs we had together as a couple. I think that was also a huge reason why we argued and fought all the time. Well, it was also due to the fact that I was very strong willed and wanted control, because prior to meeting him, I lacked control. Communication was nonexistent and in the beginning of 2020 we were on the verge of a divorce. Because the pandemic forced us to pause, we were stuck in the apartment for 3 months and had to face every issue we put aside when we were busy. Even though we had nowhere to go, I tried to use TV to divert confrontation because it made me uncomfortable.
By June, we both decided that we would do couples therapy and I have to say that it was what saved our marriage. Omer found our therapist, Krystol Ortiz, and started seeing her alone. At that time I found my own therapist but was not satisfied with the results, I felt no connection. When Omer mentioned that Krystol is all about taking a holistic approach to therapy I had to meet her! Omer and I see her individually as well as together so that we can work on our individual growth as well as our growth as a couple. She helped open a line of clear, genuine communication between the both of us. She helped us see each other's perspective and I have to say I have never felt stronger as a couple. We broke down the barriers of the walls we put up from past relationships and past traumas and were able to dive deeper than the surface level so that we can fully love with no attachments. Couples therapy in a sense brought our passion for each other back into our relationship. We were encouraged to find different ways to excite the marriage and took space from each other if an argument got too intense.
I used to be one of those people that thought going to therapy was a bad thing. That if I needed to go see someone, there was something really wrong with me. When I was younger I would journal my feelings, but the only problem was that I had no one to help me figure out where those feelings were coming from. Going to therapy has allowed me to unmask those feelings, pick open the scars and allow myself to see what is underneath. I realized that a lot of the walls and barriers I put up were because I was not speaking my truth and being real with myself. Because I was not being real with myself, I was not real with others, including my husband. In my relationship with Omer it took me so long to really, truly be honest and open with how I felt when things came up. A lot of it was because I never saw that as a kid. My mother would always come to me and tell me about all the things my father did that made her upset and I would be her ear. I am not saying that it was a horrible thing, I am just saying when you see these things happening all the time when you are younger, they stick with you. These behaviors and patterns seep into our subconscious without acknowledgement. My grandmother vented to mom about my grandfather and so the ancestral cycle repeats. Seeing Krystol allowed me to be aware of it and confront it head on and she helped Omer be more understanding and patient with this process. I wouldn’t say that Omer and I are perfect now. We still have our arguments and disagreements on things. However, we now have the tools to work through these arguments and if we still do not agree and cannot come to a compromise it is nice to have a third party perspective to help us see what is really lying underneath the surface.
If anyone is interested and feels that therapy will help their growth or help them with anything they are struggling with, I highly recommend Krystol Ortiz from Holistic Healing Therapy & Wellness!
You can find her on Facebook or call her at (929) 378-5005.